I've just set all of my non-fandom-related entries to friends-lock.
If, for some inexplicable reason, you like reading about my inane thoughts and mundane life and I don't already have you friended, please comment to be added. All fics and things unrelated to my real life are staying public, though, so I promise you're not missing much by being off the f-list.

I reserve the right to not add you if you raise my suspicions.

I am aggravated beyond words that this has become necessary.

Here is the art I drew for bandombigbang this year. The story I chose was BeWentzed by scribblinlenore, a Bedazzled AU with Pete as the devil and Patrick as his prey, and it was wacky funtimes. I'm really glad I participated in BBB!

( in which Pete Wentz is the devil, as he is wont to be )

I've had an alright week so far, about to escalate into seriously dangerous levels of awesome soon.
I wrote even more Star Trek RPF. /o\ I could keep claiming I'm ashamed of it, but I think you can tell by now that I'm kiiiind of just pretending to be.

Title: The Fine Art of One-Upmanship
Summary: The original prompt was, "Chris and Zach are very handsy. Zach thinks they're flirting, but Chris thinks they're playing gay chicken and he wants to win." That...pretty much sums it up.
Notes: Written for the trek_rpf_kink anon meme. Again. Seriously though, gay chicken. How could I not?
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not true, no offence meant, no profit made, no harm intended, &c. &c.

( anything you can do I can do better )

Guys, guys, I totally wrote more Star Trek (2009) RPS. /o\
It's summer though, and summer is the time to get wild and reckless, right? RIGHT? Besides, this is totally slipsandtangles's fault. She encouraged me, guys! That makes her at least an accessory to this crime against common sense.

Title: TMI
Summary: The original prompt was for Chris Pine/Zachary Quinto, "bickering and trying to top each other, either literally or figuratively." Alternatively, Chris and Zach squabble and everybody else has to watch them.
Notes: Written for the trek_rpf_kink anon meme. Again. I see you over there, judging me. Stop it.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not true, no offence meant, no profit made, no harm intended, &c. &c.

( you better shut your mouth or I'm gonna fuck it )

I wasn't going to post this here, but someone asked so nicely that I had to. Which just goes to show you that when you request politely, things get done for you! Hope this is a lesson my clients will keep in mind tomorrow... >:(

Title: Handle It
Summary: The original prompt was "Zach/Chris, coming out/being outed as a couple, the consequences and dealing with them." The Zach and Chris in question are Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine, of the newest Star Trek movie fame. YES, I KNOW IT'S WEIRD; I DON'T CARE, STEP THE FUCK OFF MY JOCK.
Notes: Written for the trek_rpf_kink anon meme. I don't know, I guess I'm really into anon kink memes lately? They're good flash-fiction writing exercises.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not true, no offence meant, no profit made, no harm intended, etc. etc.

( ignore me if you see me 'cause I just don't give a shit )

I’ve seen around twenty Akira Kurosawa movies, and Toshiro Mifune stars in most of them. Aside from being a very fine actor (everybody knows Seven Samurai, right? The movie the Magnificent Seven was based on? Toshiro Mifune was Kikuchiyo in that), he is also ONE SUAVE MOTHERFUCKER. I mean, yeah, he starred in over 150 movies and was named a national treasure by the Japanese government. But I can be shallow and he can be DAPPER, daaaaaaaamn. Imagine Steve McQueen, Humphrey Bogart, and Paul Newman all rolled into one, only better.
Torisho Mifune is the dude Clint Eastwood imitated back when he was learning how to be cool.
Such a man deserves a picspam.



( LET’S START OFF WITH SOME RANDOM PICTURES OF TOSHIRO MIFUNE LOOKING FINE AS HELL!!! )

I’ve been a slave to his charms since I was five years old and all like “WHAT ARE THESE FEELINGS???” while watching him on TV with my grandma in Hong Kong, hahahahaohgod.

Okay, and then here are my three favourite Mifune/Kurosawa movies, in order of descending obscurity.

( FIRST, IT’S THE JAPANESE REMAKE OF SHAKESPEARE’S HAMLET AS A BLACK AND WHITE GANGSTER FILM!!! )

( SECOND IS THE MOVIE THAT INSPIRED MOST OF CLINT EASTWOOD’S CHARACTERS AND PROBABLY ALMOST ALL BADASS LONER HERO TYPES IN CINEMA TODAY )

( THIRD IS ARGUABLY ONE OF THE BEST, MOST FAMOUS, MOST POPULAR, AND MOST INFLUENTIAL FILMS EVER MADE )

eta: Whoops, this picspam should be rated PG-13 for coarse language! On a whim, I googled “Toshiro Mifune motherfucker” and found this web page. It’s hilarious, containing such gems as "it should come as no surprise that the English translation for "Toshiro" is "ass" and for "Mifune" it's "kickin'!"" and "[Mifune] would've had no problem eating Clint Eastwood for breakfast and poopin' out Charles Bronson." LOLOLOLOLOL
It’s also a genuinely good read if you want to learn more about Toshiro Mifune’s life. But beware, there are MAJOR SPOILERS for Yojimbo, Seven Samurai, and many of his other films in there.

I was talking to astridthemighty about the TV show Heroes S3 finale the other day, and I said something about philosophical stylings of the existential kind. This was just an idea that struck me for a fandom I'm not really involved in. It's probably a one-time thing, but I really wanted to write it.

Title: Gears Grind Down to Rust
Summary: Three to six months after the S3 finale. More and more lately, Nathan feels like he’s not himself.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Depressing themes, incestuous undertones if you really squint (but no more than the show’s canonical subtext), MAJOR SPOILERS for the season three finale.
Disclaimer: Heroes and its affiliated characters do not belong to me, I make no claim upon their rights or profits, and the following work of fiction is not connected to the show in any way.

<> <> <>

( things fall apart; the centre cannot hold )

Endnotes: inspired by Daniel Keyes’ Flowers for Algernon. I’m fascinated by the idea of a person being fully aware of losing who they think they are, being unable to stop it, and being aware that they can’t stop it. I’d be thrilled if the next season went that way with Nathan’s characterization, but I know Heroes isn’t really that kind of show.

Yeah, I wrote more Gossip Girl porn, so what? I also wrote 8000 words of Old English theory last week, okay, I'm allowed to relax by writing mindlessly indulgent trash. Defensive? I'M NOT DEFENSIVE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. DON'T JUDGE ME. IF YOU'RE JUDGING ME I CAN SEND YOU MY 3000-WORD BEOWULF ESSAY TO PROVE I'M NOT A HACK.

Title: rich kids are all the same
Author: matchsticks_p
Pairing: Ryan Atwood/Nate Archibald (Gossip Girl/The O.C. crossover)
Rating: NC-17 for porn, porn, porn, porn
Disclaimer: Don't own, have no affiliation to, and no infringement intended.
Notes: Written for the gossipgirlanon prompt that goes, "nate is manrissa, it totally works." Seth and Ryan visit the Upper East Side.

( I even created a new tag for these so that they aren't grouped with my real fics, okay )

Long story short, my friend S made me watch a whole season of Gossip Girls over Reading Week, and it's pretty much everything I hate about the world (rich people! spending ridiculous amounts of money on clothes! pointless insular teenage squabbling! complete ignorance of the existence of other countries besides America!), but it's also pretty much softcore gay porn. And I am nothing if not a sucker for softcore gay porn.
So, uh, I hope you all don't instantly defriend me for this. D:

Title: The World's Oldest Profession
Author: matchsticks_p
Pairing: Chuck/Nate (Gossip Girl)
Rating: NC-17 for porn, porn, porn, porn
Disclaimer: Don't own, have no affiliation to, and no infringement intended.
Notes: Written for the gossipgirlanon prompt that goes, "Captain Archibald wants to close some deals with Bart Bass, and for that he tells Nate that he needs to sweeten things with Chuck...any way possible."

( DON'T JUDGE ME, JUST LET ME GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM, OKAY?! )

So I just checked, and it seems I haven't written FOB fic in over half a year. Time to find out if I've lost my touch.

Title: all the crickets it would take
Author: matchsticks_p, aka RiseAgainPhoenix
Rating: R for language
Pairings: Pete/Patrick, Pete/Ashlee (FOB)
Summary: In which Pete ships Patrick/Ashlee, and Patrick doesn't.
Disclaimer: Not true, no infringement intended, no profit made.
Notes: If you click on this expecting fluff, you'll find a lot more angst than you bargained for. But if you're expecting nothing but angst, you'll find more comedy than you anticipated. So. Expect both?

~ ~ ~
( it's the inevitable 'Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet' fic. )

Poll #1302978
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Alfred Pennyworth, the best character to ever be created by DC Comics?

Title: There Are Seasons
Author: matchsticks_p, aka RiseAgainPhoenix
Pairing: Clark/Lex (Smallville/Superman)
Rating: R
Summary: Clark, Lex, the decades between them, and the same argument again and again.
Word Count: 4926
Disclaimer: I don't own, don't profit, and don't intend any infringement.
Notes: No spoilers, no linear timeline. Thank you to astridthemighty for everything.

( there are seasons, and then there is A season )

endnote: This was originally written almost two years ago and published in a zine. The zine had an 18-month exclusive rights policy, but since that time's passed I've done some minor edits and now I'm unleashing it onto the internet. Reading your own writing from bygone years is really, really weird.

You guys all remember Ceej's epic Brendon Urie/Shia LaBeouf fic, Your Fingerprints Like A Code, right? Well, she was writing more comment fic in that universe, and someone mentioned how bizarre it is that it's a fandom that's basically only ever going to have one fic. So I was thinking about that, and, um...I wrote another. I DON'T KNOW EITHER, OKAY, JUST READ IT.

Title: Robots in Disguise
Author: matchsticks_p, aka RiseAgainPhoenix
Rating: PG-13 for language
Pairing: BRENDON URIE/SHIA LABEOUF, with a healthy dose of Ryan/Brendon best-friendliness
Summary: In which Brendon is pursued by transforming robots and Ryan thinks this problem can be solved by the judicious application of Shia LaBeouf’s dick.
Disclaimer: Not true, no infringement intended, no profit made.
Notes: Crack. Magical realism. Also, dedicated to gigantic, except when I say "dedicated" what I really mean is "subservient".

( Brendon. Robots. Shia LaBeouf. Mayhem! )

I wrote really trashy pulp! I don't even know if anyone will like it, but at least it entertained me for a good 96 hours.

Untitled Fall Out Boy/Miami Vice Crossover
Literally a crack fic, in which people and vampires deal crack, while cops and hunters try to stop them.

Featuring: Pete/Patrick, appearances by every band in the 16 Candles video, MCR, characters from Miami Vice including possible Sonny/Rico pre-slash
Notes: Knowledge of the 16 Candles video, though not strictly necessary, would probably be helpful. All you really need to know about Miami Vice is this: Sonny Crockett and Rico Tubbs are undercover cops. The rest of their team consists of Trudy, who handles intelligence and regularly sleeps with Rico; Gina, who shoots things and provides deadpan sarcasm; Larry Zito and Stan Switek, who are backup/surveillance/extra muscle and don’t get many lines. Castillo is their boss. They fight crime and want you to say no to drugs.
Addendum: MiVi characterisations are based on the 2006 Michael Mann movie, not the 80s TV show. The movie has little discernable plot or development, but true to its marketing hype it’s very “dark and gritty” and “visually stunning.”
Disclaimer: This story is in no way truthful, affiliated with its subjects, made for profit, or even meant to be taken seriously.

( The basic idea originated from thinking about William Beckett (as one does) while watching Miami Vice. As a vampire drug lord, he would have unfathomable power, money, and influence over humans and immortals alike! But one can’t just unilaterally take over the drug business. He’d have to work out deals with existing cartels. Which then of course led to thinking about an alliance between vampires and South American businessmen, which then led to…well, this. )

I've only been working for four days and it already feels like a month. It's a busy and intense life being a civil servant, but I'm learning a lot and earning a lot, so it's all good. Now that I've finally gotten this damned "Entourage" fic out of my system, maybe I'll actually make progress on my bandombigbang fic? ::crosses fingers::

Title: Our Lady of the Prairies
Pairing: Vince/Eric from Entourage
Rating: R (language, themes)
Spoilers: Assumes past season four
Word Count: 3927
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the following fictional characters, nor am I affiliated with any real persons mentioned. No profit is being made from this whatsoever.

Summary: There are over three hundred reasons Vince shouldn’t do this movie. Eric’s opinion isn’t one of them.

( Vince is not a woman. But he can *pretend*. )

(Happy Chinese New Year! It's weird how I'm not traditional in the least, but Chinese New Year is still a bigger deal to me than the new year on the calendar I actually use. All the free money, food and candy might have something to do with this, haha.)

Fanart!
Description: A Fall Out Boy re-cast of the award-winning poster for the movie Casablanca. Features Pete and Patrick as Rick/Ilsa, of course. Pencil crayon on 70lb paper.
Note: Drawn for my dear friend Dana(slipsandtangles)'s birthday back in December. She has the hard copy now. I also drew her into the poster, but for discretion's sake I've covered up her face/last name/etc.
Disclaimer: This is not affiliated with Fall Out Boy in any way, and it is MOST DEFINITELY not connected to Casablanca in any way. No harm meant and no profit made.

( If it's December 1941 in Casablanca, what time is it in New York? )

ETA: Here is the real/official Casablanca poster, in case you wanted to compare. Also, apologies for the bad picture quality of my post; I was too lazy to scan it and just took a picture with my crappy, old camera.

Oh my fucking god, it is -42˚C outside right now, complete with wind whipping snow so hard that we call it a "white-out" and you basically have three feet of visibility if you can, you know, even make your eyelids open.

And I get to go to school at 8:00am tomorrow. Hoo-fucking-rah.

PS, important public service announcement: Because of real life related stalkerly activities by people I don't want to find my LJ, I'm getting paranoid and asking you to not use my real name in a public post/replies to a non-friendslocked entry if you know it. You can use 'Matches', or the LJuser= tag, or whatever other nickname you want. And you can certainly continue using my real name in f-locked posts; I enjoy the intimacy of everyone going by their first names, I just don't want the unworthy to find me. ;)

But wait, there's more! Ugh, winter semester starts on Monday and I really wanted to get this out before I have to go back to school. Hopefully, I can keep updating at this pace and get this whole fic finished before the real work kicks in. ::crosses fingers::

Title: Brendon and the Beast, 2/?
Author: matchsticks_p, aka RiseAgainPhoenix
Summary: Brendon is a virtuous maiden who must save Pete the selfish prince from himself! Yes, it’s the Beauty and the Beast AU.
Pairings: Pete/Brendon, one-sided Gabe/Brendon, vague Ryan/Brendon
Rating: R for language
Disclaimers: Not real. This is a horrible and unlicensed rip-off of Disney (but Disney ripped it from Germanic fairy tales and Richardson novels, so).
Warnings: Crack, obviously. Repeated references to Pete’s furry fetish as a joke…but ONLY AS A JOKE.
Notes: It remains onenitestandoff's fault.

~ ~ ~

( In a land far far away... )

to be continued, hopefully very soon

Guys, guys, guys. Guys. I actually did it. Please heckle onenitestandoff if you hate it, because it's ALL HER FAULT. ♥

Title: Brendon and the Beast, 1/?
Author: matchsticks_p, aka RiseAgainPhoenix
Summary: Brendon is a virtuous maiden who must save Pete the selfish prince from himself! Yes, it’s the Beauty and the Beast AU.
Pairings: Pete/Brendon, one-sided Gabe/Brendon, vague Ryan/Brendon, implied everyone in bandom/everyone else in bandom
Rating: R for language
Disclaimers: Not real. This is a horrible and unlicensed rip-off of Disney (but Disney ripped it from Germanic fairy tales and Richardson novels, so).
Warnings: Crack...obviously. Repeated references to Pete’s furry fetish as a joke…ONLY AS A JOKE.
Notes: Blame this one on onenitestandoff. A very happy birthday to mia bella slipsandtangles, a Belle fit to tame any beast.

~ ~ ~

( Once upon a time... )
to be continued very, very soon

ETA: Part two now here!